After few months of dating my relationship has ended. I felt sad in the beginning, but it gets better now. I’ve just had to remember not to put mascara in the morning and to carry handkerchiefs at all times. And to cook a soup. It has the ability to warm you up, and you can actually pretend that it is a hug substitute. In fact, the sadness and tears are a great sign of being a humanly romantic and a natural indicator that I was truly caring about him.
This relationship has thought me a good few lessons which I want to record for future reference.
- It is fascinating to get to know a new person. Regardless of the relationship leads to a dead-end, you can treat it as a privilege to be let into somebody’s world. Even if only for a little while.
- It has opened my mind a little bit. For another culture, different experiences, porridge on water for breakfast and one type of Irish tea to accompany this lovely dish.
- He helped me to become aware of qualities that I look for in men. He had some of them. And since now I consider them essential.
- I understood that it is good to feel heartbroken. It only means that I’m able to care for somebody. That I’m looking for closeness and not intend to turn into a stone or freeze emotionally.
- I’ve learnt to take a better care of myself. Since I am single and I can’t break up with myself, it is logic that I should like myself more. In order to like myself more, I need to be a good person. A likeable person. Wait! I think I’m enough. But I can always become better. Kinder. Just for the sake of my own mental health.
- The next important thing that always seemed so obvious, yet difficult to practice, is communication. Without one, especially on the emotional level, each romantic relationship is deemed to fail. I had so many occasions to practice and go against the grain. It was uncomfortable. It was challenging. Still, I was able to force myself to initiate numerous conversations. I guess it was most difficult part of trying to be together.
- It is hard to admit but since he had a good relationship with his siblings, I felt kind of…jelous. But with the kind of positive jealousy, that gives a kick to pick up the phone and talk to them. I’m delighted, as one of them is going to visit me here for the first time soon. Feel very, very grateful for him being a role model in family constellations.
- You can’t overprice a simple kindness and be interested, how someone’s day went.
- Respect. I know that we have mastered declination of this noun in many possible ways. Even though my expectations didn’t meet the reality (and vice versa) it’s ok. There was lots of mutual respect. It doesn’t mean that we were perfect in that matter, but at least we have tried and succeeded on many occasions.
- I learnt in practice that you can carry this respect through a breakup. Sometimes things just don’t work out, but it doesn’t mean that people should become enemies or remain friends. They can just thank each other for all that they received and were able to give.
There are more positive things that this relationship has thought me. But I’ll keep them to myself…