There is a weird pressure of possession of children in the society. Like they are objects everyone has to have.
Love and Marriage
I got married in 2009 in Poland, I was in my mid-twenties. It was quite early looking at the age of getting married in Ireland. Just a few months later the close family started asking, where are the children. “Maybe it’s time for a child?”, “How can you be a family without them?”. And so on and so forth.
Not Asking for Prayers
I was told once by one of the relatives; “Should I start praying for you Guys?”. Quite surprisingly I looked at this person and thought, what’s wrong with me that somebody wants to pray for me? The answer was: “You don’t have children”. I almost fainted, couldn’t believe what I’ve just heard. My answer was short and full of anger: “I don’t have them as it is my own personal choice. No need to pray for it.”
Another time I was told that I am selfish not having a child. Selfish?! Is not it selfish to actually “possess” them? I see many parents who treat children like items, like something they own and they are in power of shouting at them, offend them or even hit them in public? I believe that not everyone is able to raise independent, happy child. Furthermore, there was a time when everyone was pushing for getting pregnant before 30, as it’s healthier, better and less risk. Great, but how can I think about a child when I do not feel like a grown adult myself? Would I be a reasonable, responsible parent? I don’t think so.
All of us heard that some couples make the decision to have children, as they believe it will solve their problems, miraculously unite the family and make them all happy. This is something I am sure about it: a child is not a solution to your life problems. The child should be conceived of love and love only.
What Future Brings…
It’s been already 8 years and we still don’t have children. Who knows… maybe we won’t be able to have them from the health or psychical perspective? But at this moment of time, we don’t have them as we haven’t decided to. I am sure that everyone matures to the decision at a different time. For some 25 years of age is perfect, for others 39.I would love to see myself as a mother, I just want to be a happy mother to pass on happiness to my kids. I believe this time will come and I don’t care anymore what others think or expect. This is my life and my choice.