Yesterday I turned 34. Years back I thought my life would look like differently. Meaning I’ll be a happily married woman, who has a loving husband, a bunch of kids, a house in suburbs and a career. Things turned out to be slightly different. But I stay tuned.
There are few things that I’ve learnt. Especially recently:
It’s ok to be confused
Confusion is my second name. And that is ok. This is the biggest lesson that I’ve received. As I was confused for the majority of my life. At some point, I wanted to quit a job and become a social welfare beneficient hunting for sales at Penny’s. Luckily I’ve accepted my inner vivid life (yes, I was under a lot of stress) and the fact, that it’s a matter of decency to earn your own living. Even when you are tired.
Be good. To yourself especially. There is no one that can emotionally give you more than you can give yourself. This year I was learning to love myself. Spent some me time in the cinema, running, going out for dinners and drinks. On my own. Listening to conversations of strangers. The conclusion is that I really like the person that I see in the mirror. Starting to believe that someone might like me as well. Talking nicely to myself helps. I’m good. For most of the time as I’m just a human.
Stay Positive towards your Body
Last week, for the first time since pregnancy, I put a bikini on. It helped. I was sweating less in an Irish sunshine. I’m more than stretch marks. It felt really comfortable and there was no need for photoshop. I like when my body turns brown, is cared for, cuddled. Some things you can’t give to yourself, as they can be given only externally. And believe me, the guys are not looking for perfection. Being intimate is more than having a slim body and firm breasts. It’s being open to another person.
Nothing boosts mood as a bit of exercise. I run. It clears my head. Give me an endorphin kick. Makes me feel beautiful when I’m walking back home. Sweaty and smelly. With red, hot legs. Straight back. All in all, I run for pleasure only. Not forcing myself. But frankly speaking, a good run prevented me from committing multiple homicides. Strongly advised trying.
I’m a Grown Up
Yes…high time. Thirty-four is not twenty-two. I’m a role model to my daughter. This is why I let myself free sometimes and jump with her on the trampoline. I work, pay my bills, consume gin and tonic with no regrets, have lots of fun. Still on a learning curve to be able to communicate effectively with other people. Trying not to be bored and boring. And most of all proud to be a woman and to find a pleasure in little things (including a rip-off coffee with oat milk for 3.5€).
Hope I will stay who I am. Not get into a craziness of self-improvement. Flatter bellies. Flwaless skin. I wish myself to be relaxed, content and optimistic. So happy birthday to me!